Next Step

I've been avoiding this post for a while now. In fact, a long time... I've been thinking about it since I wrote the post about our little grey circles that didn't make it. I like writing but the last few weeks have been kinda blah. I also think I've been a little hesitant because I've always wanted these posts to be super happy and chipper but that's not exactly how I feel. After the last post I did get a lot of really nice feedback, one in particular that made me feel extra good. My aunt is an incredible person and I love talking to her. She said to me that no matter how long those grey circles were my babies, they still were and I was allowed to grieve as much as I wanted. I think that kind of gave me permission to really cry and it made me feel a lot better. Thanks Kim. :) 

But now we're on to bigger and better things. I can't lie and say that I'm super excited about this transfer. I think I got WAY too excited for the last one/first one and it made for a hard let down. I think it's ok cuz what else was I supposed to do?! I only apologize to those who I had to cancel plans with because of my hermit status. 

So.. What now?? The Frozen Embryo Transfer!! I'll clue you in on a few things for those that don't know. Which is most people including myself before this all started. 

A quick refresher.. The live IVF cycle is what I did last time. Pump myself full of drugs to make my ovaries over produce - Surgery to collect the eggs - More drugs to keep my uterus all ready to receive the eggs - Transfer the grey circles - WAIT.... 2 weeks later you're supposed to find out. Mine only lasted a week cuz they didn't take. But that's what I did last time.

The big difference is that this time the eggs are frozen! During the last collection, they got 14, 11 were mature enough to fertilize and 9 actually took the fertilization and started growing. By the end, there were 3 left. 2 were transferred the first time and the last one was frozen. 1 left! 

Here comes the TMI  if you're worried about that... 

So we're skipping the collection and going to making my uterus all ready for transfer. This means more drugs! Fortunately the first bunch was pretty easy. It's a pill to help my estrogen levels get super high so that the lining of my uterus is nice and think. :) It's supposed to make me moody and give me headaches. It definitely gave me head aches, but nothing that a Mountain Dew couldn't fix. As far as being moody, you'll have to ask Justin. Maybe that's part of why the last couple weeks have been so blah. haha. The other drug I had to take is Progesterone. It's one of the same drugs that I had to take for my last cycle. I had some left over from last time, but I decided to switch it up. The reason is because it was in the form of a vaginal suppository and because of my weirdly shaped lady parts, the cream wouldn't stay in very well. And it was messy and gross. 

So this time, I decided to do it in the form of a shot. I know that sounds crazy, but the messiness was too much and I really don't mind shots. The nurse ordered them and I was supposed to start taking them on Sunday. When they arrived on Friday I pulled them out and found this...

The needle on the left is the hypodermic needle I used for my last cycle. These were the easy ones. :)

The needle on the right is the new needle I received in the new package. Holy camoley!

I went to the doc for a final ultrasound and blood draw and asked the nurse if I really have to use those massive needles! She said yes because this drug has to be intramuscular, not just intrafatscular. (That's not a real word btw. The other needles just can't have made it past my fat. haha) Anyway, the point is that I wanted to use the little needles but they said no. AND I have to put them into my butt!! Yikes. And yes, the WHOLE needle has to go in. :S The worst part of the whole thing is that the progesterone is dissolved in OIL so it's like a peanut butter shot!! It leaves a nice big bruise where I put it in so I now have a bunch of purple circles on my rump. haha. Fortunately the soreness rubs off right around when it's time for the next shot. So it's not the end of the world. haha. Just makes it hard to sleep on my side!

I let myself get way too psyched out for this and when it came time to do it on Sunday night, I was terrified. It was one of the funniest moments of my life. My sister was at my house for dinner and the World Series game that night and I enlisted her help. I've never had a problem with needles, so I thought for sure I could muster up the courage to do this. I was WRONG. haha. Kristi had to say all kinds of stuff like "Don't you want your children!" and "Now do you have sympathy for Justin?" And it was hilarious. We were laughing very hard. Well, she laughed at my pain and I laughed at how ridiculous I was being. 

This next picture is of Kristi when I finally asked her to do it. If you zoom in, you can see that huge needle!! 

This one's the big needle actualy in my bum. And the funny part is that when she actually did it, it didn't hurt at all. haha. 

Ok that's the end of the awkward photos. I'm sure Justin will be mad about me posting those. haha

So the transfer is TOMORROW! Yes, that's halloween. It's kinda lame cuz it's the day that I'm not allowed to do hardly anything that day. But it's ok cuz I got to do a Murder Mystery Dinner for the young women that allowed me to do all the halloween decor I wanted. haha. Another post about that later cuz it was AWESOME! Anyway, I will be bed ridden for the weekend and hoping this little egg is my miracle. If it's not, I will try again. But I really want it to be... 

I'll take all the prayers I can get while you're collecting candy with your little people. Thank you all so much for your support. I'll let you know how it goes!