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Faith in His timing...

Had an insight tonight that I wanted to share. :)

There was a great Relief Society activity tonight where we learned from a very good speaker all about how to discipline our children with love. And while I don't have any children, I still felt like I could learn from her. And I did! She had a lot of great insights that I want to share, but that will have to be another blog post. :) Anyway, after the activity, I was eating a very delicious Root Beer Float (YUM!) and discussing the mysteries of the world with my gal pals from my ward. She was asking me about my upcoming craziness and we got to talking about the Lord's plan again. It seems that it's been a big topic of discussion for me lately. I think it's been a blessing recently that I've been able to see that although I don't know what the Lord's plan is, I can see that he has one, and I'm trusting Him that it's the best thing for me. But it seems that most the time, I end the conversation looking up and shaking my head and hands saying "But it sure would be nice to just know!" And while it in in jest, a little, sometimes I really do wish I had known the plan.

So in my discussion with my friend, I had a little epiphany. Justin and I have obviously been trying to get pregnant for a long time and been unsuccessful. And it's been the hardest thing for me to hear about other people getting pregnant and having babies. I literally cried when I found out my best friend was pregnant, and they weren't happy tears. They were jealous and frustrated tears that it wasn't my announcement. I left my own birthday party in the middle of dinner when my brother announced his pregnancy with his brand new wife. Anyway, once I learned that we wouldn't conceive a child without IVF, I felt more relief than anything. And for the first time, I started to feel real happiness for those around me having kids. Of course I was happy before, but it wasn't jealous happy anymore. I knew I would have a baby and although I had to wait for it, I knew it would happen. I knew there was a plan so I was okay with waiting.

So back to my discussion.. I was thinking there for a second that since I knew the plan, I was happier and I could handle the truth. (YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!! haha. jk.) So for a second I thought, well I can handle this, why can't I handle the rest of the plan?! And here in lies the epiphany. The speaker at the activity reminded us that sometimes kids go astray even after we've done everything we can. So what if I knew the plan and I knew that 20 years from now my kids were going to not be members of the church anymore. I'm not sure I could handle that! Or what if I knew I would loose a child, or my husband. Or any other horrible thing that could potentially happen in my life. I would probably live my life in fear and never want to go outside or do anything. What kind of life would I be living? Heavenly Father gives us what we need to know to get us through the moments that we're in and that has to be enough for me. He expects me to live in faith and trust that He knows. He's given me enough to get me to the next stage of my life where I get to learn more and therefore have more responsibility. And a mini side note, am I even doing everything I can with what I DO know? Why would he trust me to know more if I'm not fully living what I have?

So in conclusion, it goes right back to the beginning. I know Heavenly Father has a plan, and that is enough. I trust in Him and know that He really does know best. He asks me to have faith and I need to do just that. And the hardest but most important part is having faith in His timing. So I'll keep on keeping on, not just wishing I knew the plan, but doing my part to better my little world and take care of the things the Lord has trusted me with. And when I'm ready, that world will get a little bigger and a little better and I'll keep on keeping on there too. :)


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